im scared.

really scared..about everything.

where my life is going.

i dream of everything being perfect. but what if this whole thing is some too good to be true image burned into me so its all i see?

ive always had a problem with fantasy and reality.

i get a hint of inspiration, hopeful thinking. i picture myself driving off towards the sun rising..nothing but a clear blue sky and a very beautiful girl waiting for me with open arms. i can go to school, get a decent job. amber and i will be married, start a family..and grow old together until we die.

its a risk..all of it.

what if im not good enough?

i can go to school..who said i could get a job?

let alone a job that i really want?

everybody that ive told im leaving doesn't like the idea, will miss me..i know the others wont either.

all for a girl that questioned my reasons for thinking im good enough for her last night..

"..and you expect me to marry you?"

keeps playing over and over..

im not even motivated. for anything.

i want to teach myself flash and dreamweaver. im buying books as soon as i can get money..which will be hard.

but im too fucking lazy to try to learn something until then.


every day has been more and more upsetting this entire week..until today, which probably would be if more happened and i had to work.

WoW is getting boring.

but im gonna go play it some more.

level 19.

yeah, im a beast.

rawrrr